[quotable_muse] March 2009 - 109 - "It didn't have to end this

[prodigalwatcher]

March 2009 - 109 - 'Three Days of the Condor'

Higgins: "It didn't have to end this way."
Joe Turner: "Of course it did."


I loved her.

Yes, I know you knew. I know that everyone knew. In retrospect, I made it about as damnably obvious as wearing a neon sign on my head. Believe me, I have been made aware of my obviousness by many friends and acquaintances, as well as by individuals I thought I'd never even met.

And I know that there's no telling how it would have worked out. I'm not such a fool that I didn't go through that stage of grief, where I tried to bargain and rationalise with myself that our ending might not have been happy. I adored her, placed her on a pedestal above all others, and even in our brief time together, I began to suspect that she did not appreciate the altitude.

It did not stop me from loving her then. It does not stop me from loving her now.

She lives in a room in my incorporeal heart. She is the only thing that can bring a ghost like myself any warmth. And trapped between Angel's battle and the Senior Partners' directives, all confined amongst the fires of Hell, genuine warmth is the thing that keeps this ghost from going mad.

I guarded those thoughts and feelings and memories like a treasure. And as it came to pass, it was the last gift she would give to the city and to all who lived within it. And it was the last gift I could give, as well.

Staring into the depths of Illyria's true form, I felt the pull of Fred, what remained of her sensing what I kept within me.

I knew then in the same way I had known when I'd faced Cyvus Vail. My choice was made, and there was no other way.

It had to end this way, and I was happy with it.

For once, I was happy with it.


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