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prodigalwatcher31 - "A kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply as time goes by." - 'Casablanca'
When we are young, and first begin to evince an interest in other young people as more than simply school friends or playmates, our parents almost inevitably warn us: kissing is not something to be done lightly, they say. No matter what we see so many others do, we're told that kissing, and any other form of physical intimacy, is something intended to be shared only between people sharing a deep and abiding connection. It is for "mums and dads" or for "people in love".
We get older and, we believe, wiser, and we turn away from that philosophy. The joy of physical contact and the thrill of being with another person far overshadows those lessons of youth.
And while I cannot in any good conscience claim that our parents were right, neither can I say they were entirely wrong.
I believe here is, in this world, a great deal less casual sex than those actually engaging in the act believe. And while one-night stands and brief, single encounters can and do occur, the casualness of those liaisons is dependent on the requirement that those involve do not become involved again. And even then, more often than is intended, something happens that leaves the casual behind.
There is something particularly intimate about the act of kissing. It requires those involve to face one another, and to be in as close proximity as physically possible. Either one must stare into another's eyes from a mere inch or two away, gazing into what might be behind them, or one must close their eyes, surrendering to another's intentions. There is at the same time both a cessation and an exchange of the most basic of life's elements: breath.
Television and movies do get one thing right about professionals. Many of them strictly prohibit kissing as part of the sexual act. To kiss is to become too close to another person, too close to being truly intimate with them.
A single kiss, of course, does not instantly make people intimates. But how often is a kiss a solitary occasion? With every one, a person finds themselves opening to another just a little more, baring a little more of their heart and soul.
And to take another person into bed, that too, is often a far more intimate and personal experience than so many consider it to be. Whether or not a person is literally naked or literally allowing another person into their selves, it is more than true metaphorically. To be with another person is to make oneself vulnerable and open, the intention being to have them respond in kind with their own openness and vulnerability.
I confess to a bit of jaded philosophy on this point. When one deals with the kind of monsters that so routinely exploit physical intimacy for their own means, there comes a certain sensitivity to the idea.
The one night stand can happen. Two ships may pass a single time in the night. But when circumstances reoccur, make no mistake: you have made yourself part of something that may be difficult to extricate yourself from. Either you are willing to take that risk, to chance the pain in exchange for the pleasure, or you or not and must remove yourself immediately.
It does seem that I, for example, am willing to risk. What about you?
(561)
When we are young, and first begin to evince an interest in other young people as more than simply school friends or playmates, our parents almost inevitably warn us: kissing is not something to be done lightly, they say. No matter what we see so many others do, we're told that kissing, and any other form of physical intimacy, is something intended to be shared only between people sharing a deep and abiding connection. It is for "mums and dads" or for "people in love".
We get older and, we believe, wiser, and we turn away from that philosophy. The joy of physical contact and the thrill of being with another person far overshadows those lessons of youth.
And while I cannot in any good conscience claim that our parents were right, neither can I say they were entirely wrong.
I believe here is, in this world, a great deal less casual sex than those actually engaging in the act believe. And while one-night stands and brief, single encounters can and do occur, the casualness of those liaisons is dependent on the requirement that those involve do not become involved again. And even then, more often than is intended, something happens that leaves the casual behind.
There is something particularly intimate about the act of kissing. It requires those involve to face one another, and to be in as close proximity as physically possible. Either one must stare into another's eyes from a mere inch or two away, gazing into what might be behind them, or one must close their eyes, surrendering to another's intentions. There is at the same time both a cessation and an exchange of the most basic of life's elements: breath.
Television and movies do get one thing right about professionals. Many of them strictly prohibit kissing as part of the sexual act. To kiss is to become too close to another person, too close to being truly intimate with them.
A single kiss, of course, does not instantly make people intimates. But how often is a kiss a solitary occasion? With every one, a person finds themselves opening to another just a little more, baring a little more of their heart and soul.
And to take another person into bed, that too, is often a far more intimate and personal experience than so many consider it to be. Whether or not a person is literally naked or literally allowing another person into their selves, it is more than true metaphorically. To be with another person is to make oneself vulnerable and open, the intention being to have them respond in kind with their own openness and vulnerability.
I confess to a bit of jaded philosophy on this point. When one deals with the kind of monsters that so routinely exploit physical intimacy for their own means, there comes a certain sensitivity to the idea.
The one night stand can happen. Two ships may pass a single time in the night. But when circumstances reoccur, make no mistake: you have made yourself part of something that may be difficult to extricate yourself from. Either you are willing to take that risk, to chance the pain in exchange for the pleasure, or you or not and must remove yourself immediately.
It does seem that I, for example, am willing to risk. What about you?
(561)
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-02 08:44 pm (UTC)There is an intimacy, even with a one night stand. Not an opening up, but a trust that the other person will make the world disappear if only for a little while. It's a scratch to an itch, but there's that unspoken agreement, too.
Same with friends with benefits. There's the intimacy of friendship taken to another level.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-02 09:52 pm (UTC)You and I are rather guarded individuals, normally. Do you ever worry about allowing yourself those moments of vulnerability?
no subject
Date: 2007-10-02 11:21 pm (UTC)I've been conditioned since a young age to keep myself apart. I opened myself up, I got slapped down. Sometimes it was literally, and sometimes it was figuratively, but it was there.
There's a part of me that will always be the six year old girl reaching out for someone, just as there will always be a part of me that is the adult me that is telling her not to, no one will reach back. Sometimes I ignore the adult and sometimes I ignore the little girl.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-03 04:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-03 04:45 pm (UTC)My opinion? It's on the path to something more than friends with benefits. I never plan the future, still don't, but the Tahitian trip, the ride up the coast, the ballet, and the opera... that's something new for me. Very new.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-03 10:28 pm (UTC)However, I find I must agree. Things are progressing in a manner I did not expect. And I find myself... looking forward to seeing where it goes.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-03 11:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-04 05:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-04 07:46 pm (UTC)