Ghost in the Room (Not Dennis) ((RP for _freaksrus))

[prodigalwatcher]

Wesley stared at the door to his apartment, the apprehension that tightened his shoulders making him feel not only on edge, but utterly ridiculous for being tense in the first place. He was a grown man, an adult in an adult relationship with a smart, self-assured and reasonable woman. There was no logical reason for him to feel this kind of pressure simply discussing with Gwen the fact that Fred was back amongst them all. It was what he had told himself over and over since Gwen had said she would be over.

But Wesley wondered if what he and Gwen had was as strong and sure as he had been hoping. Every time they met, things had seemed that much more comfortable and familiar with her for him, and it became just that much easier to stop wondering when the other shoe would drop, and they might just be able to keep going as they were going.

He cursed himself a fool for thinking momentum lasted forever.

One thing Wesley knew was that he was not about to tell Gwen that he was leaving and taking back up with Fred. The simple and undeniable fact that the hadn't already told him that he had made his choice. He hoped that was what it meant. Still waiting, Wesley heard the sound of the cupboard in the kitchen opening and glasses being set on the table, followed by the more solid sound of a bottle. "Thank you, Dennis," Wesley said, smirking despite his nerves, "I think you're right."

The knock came immediately after, and Wesley answered, letting Gwen's presence put a genuine smile on his face. "Hello, there."

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_freaksrus/]

Gwen had to wonder if it was his do-gooder streak that was keeping him with her, or if he really wanted to be there. If she were anyone else, she'd probably be all noble and tell him to work it out with Fred first and if he still wanted to be with Gwen she'd be there. But everyone knew that Gwen wasn't noble. To be honest, she thought that one day LISA would stop working and they wouldn't be able to touch. In her mind, her time with Wesley was limited anyway doubting he'd want to stay once she became a freak again. That meant that Fred would probably be waiting in the wings and surprisingly Gwen was okay with that. She was selfish enough to want to keep Wesley for as long as she could.

She realized that the silence between them had stretched as she worked through everything in her mind. "Okay, but you should probably know that I don't fight fair." There was a slight quirk to her lips as she said that. She left the meaning deliberately vague. Wesley could think that it meant she wouldn't make it easy on him or that she wouldn't make it easy for Fred.

[prodigalwatcher.livejournal.com]

The silence, so the saying went, was deafening. Wesley did what he could mentally to prepare himself for the next blow. Part of him was absolutely certain that Gwen was only moments from walking out the door, and he certainly would not have blamed her for throwing him off. He hoped Gwen would be forgiving enough to give him another chance, but if not...?

Wesley didn't want to consider "if not", as muddled as it made his thinking.

He frowned, finding Gwen's response a bit curious. "I, er," he began, "don't expect any fighting at all to be necessary, Gwen. Unless, of course, you mean I'm not going to have an easy time of getting back in your good graces." Wesley nodded. "I would expect no less."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_freaksrus/]

"I didn't mean literally." Though there would probably be a few less vampires tonight when the conversation was over. At the moment, though she was keeping her mask firmly in place. "I have had a few offers of kicking ass, but I politely turned them down." She might have been kidding ... or not.

"I meant you weren't going to have an easy time." She'd also meant that if Fred wanted him back she wouldn't have an easy time either. "I know you have a lot to work through with Fred and I won't make that part hard for you." Maybe.

[prodigalwatcher.livejournal.com]

Wesley blinked, not entirely understanding what Gwen might be referring to, but at least it seemed she wasn't intending to do any particular harm to Fred or anyone else, himself included. Not, of course, that he didn't deserve at least a bit of penance to be done.

The surprise on his face was evident. "You don't owe me that, you know. And in fact, I'm not sure I deserve that kind of consideration, but I thank you for it." He sighed. "I'm sorry, it's hard to explain, but when I saw Fred, I saw all the things that used to be, all the things I used to feel... The past is hard to let go of, but I assure you it is the past."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_freaksrus/]

"And everything that might have been?" And could be again, she added silently. "I'll be the first to admit I've never been in a relationship before but I know enough that it can't be easy seeing her." Hell, Angel had sacrificed a multi-million dollar bauble just to see Cordelia. She got that.

Gwen looked down into her wineglass not really seeing it, her mind warring with herself about speaking the next part. If Wesley was being honest, she would, too at least about this. "I don't want you to be with me because I made you and I don't want to be the consolation prize either. Working things out about Fred and what you feel for her is the quickest way." She didn't want Fred to be the elephant in the room again.

[prodigalwatcher.livejournal.com]

"No," Wesley agreed, "it hasn't been. I'm happy that she's alive, of course, but no." What he wanted most to tell Gwen was that the decision was made and his mind and conscience were clear, and that there was nothing in the world about which she needed to worry because he was committed to her and had been for longer than he'd realised. But he afraid that might not be the whole truth.

"I know I want to help her," he admitted. "This transition, the changes to everything and everyone are unsettling in the extreme." Looking up at Gwen, he wondered whether or not it was best for her to stay with a man this unsure of himself. "I think I know the answer... I know, at least, what I want it to be." Wesley looked as deeply into her eyes as he could, wanting her to understand what he was clumsily failing at saying.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_freaksrus/]

Gwen sat silently listening, her mind working through things but when Wesley said that he thought he knew the answer. Well, that gave Gwen the answer that she was looking for. It meant that she wasn't the consolation prize or that she'd made him stay with her. Wesley might still be where he was out of guilt for her, but she was okay with using that to her advantage. She freely admitted that she wasn't a nice person, because a nice person would probably walk away and let Fred have her second chance at life and love.

"You should help her. You'll always care for Fred just like I'll always care for Gunn. Besides you're one of the very few people that really knows what she's going to go through." Gwen shifted her weight and set her nearly empty wine glass on the side table before reaching out and taking one of Wesley's hands in hers. "I want your answer to be that you'll still be with me, but if it's ultimately not, that won't change how I feel about you." There was a small rise to the curve of her lips. "We'll always have LA."

[prodigalwatcher.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure I deserve that much understanding, Gwen, but... thank you for it nonetheless." Wesley shook his head. He'd been so ready for Gwen to walk out on him, to leave him the way he had been left so many times before that what she had shown him had left him stunned. Perhaps this was what it was like to be loved?

He smiled at her and grasped her hand between his. "We'll have a great deal more, I hope." A thought came to him, and would not, for once, stand in its way and analyse before voicing it.

"Gwen, once things are... sorted out, and settled, let's go away again. That trip to Tahiti you've told me about before. Just us, and nothing else."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_freaksrus/]

Gwen had always thought that her time with Wesley was temporary. Whether it would be due to her emotional baggage or LISA had been up in the air. That he would leave her one day, for her, had been written in stone. It's what everyone did eventually. She planned to enjoy her time with Wesley as much as possible and she'd meant what she said. It was the benefit of truly liking the person that you were lovers with. Her feelings for him wouldn't change. Was it love like Buffy said? Maybe. If it had been anyone else at any other time in her life she would have walked away.

"Naked in the sun and sand, sipping drinks with little umbrellas. I think that can be arranged very easily." She didn't think about the fact that they were making plans for a future. She didn't want to jinx it, but she liked that they were. If it turned out to be an illusion, so be it.

"I'll put you to work as my cabana boy."

[prodigalwatcher.livejournal.com]

This was good. This was familiar. This, he and Gwen could keep up forever without a thought or worry. He sighed with relief that they would be able to find their way back to this kind of place. Of course, he was under no illusion that nothing had changed. But those new depths could be explored later.

"That sounds absolutely wonderful." He gave her a warm smile. "What would we be looking at in terms of compensation for such employment?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_freaksrus/]

"Compensation? You mean being my cabana boy wouldn't be compensation enough?" Gwen smiled at Wesley, then tilted her head to the side as if contemplating something. "I supposed I could think of something to make it worth your while. Let's see. How about a topless sunbather to bring the drinks to? Or if it's secluded, I've been known not to have any tan lines."

She winked at him, "I'd have to make sure that you have the proper ... qualifications first though. Maybe a trial basis for drink service before the trip to Tahiti. You did do very well pouring the wine. Shirtless would have been nicer."

[prodigalwatcher.livejournal.com]

"Well, even the most pleasant of employment does need to have its perks, you know." Wesley leaned back and joined Gwen in letting his mind wander off to a secluded corner of tropical nowhere very far away from the rest of the world. His smile widened at her suggestion. "See? I knew you'd be a more than reasonable and generous employer."

Inwardly, Wesley sighed in relief. Gwen had not gone, and to all appearances, had no intention of going any time soon. And whatever he could do to ensure that was fine by him. He grasped the wine bottle and slid closer to Gwen. "Yes, miss," he said with a smirk.

The evening was sure to end a great deal better than Wesley had hoped.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_freaksrus/]

Gwen's smirk matched Wesley's and she reached over to her wine glass and held it out for him to fill it. "I think I could get used to this. I should probably be wearing more leather for the yes, miss part though." She winked at him.

She still wasn't sure what the outcome would be while Wesley sorted out his feelings, but Gwen was planning on making the most of whatever time they had. If it was a month, which never in her dreams had she thought that she would even think about, then it would be. Gwen had never thought more than a day ahead, sometimes only an hour, when she was with someone and now she was looking to months ahead. It was a very different experience and one she was still getting used to.